in the washing machine just to see…
If my pants would come out yellow,
And make my poos all 'Narna-y'.
I'm not bastard hungry,
I don't need a nap.
No I didn't stamp on that baby,
And give that Labrador a slap.
I didn't hide the car keys,
The wall's always had those markings.
I peed on the floor, but I don't need a wee!
So just stop bloody-well asking.
Yes, toddlers are liars,
It can't be denied.
They don't even hide it,
They're proud of their lies.
Whether fibs or big whoppers,
Don't be taken in…
You can't trust a toddler,
But you can always trust gin.