Tuesday, 11 December 2012

Temper, temper...

Is it normal to be slightly scared of your own child?

I mean, is it 'ok' for me to admit that when she gets a certain look in her eye I begin to feel just a little bit terrified and mildly consumed with dread...?

Over the last few weeks, WallyBubba appears to have developed a temper which could rival even the moodiest, ASBO-baring teenager... She pulls diva fits the likes of Elton John would be proud of. She'd leave Mariah Carey shitting herself... I've ruled out puberty given shes still under 12 months old, but I can't quite understand why she feels the need to express herself so 'vibrantly'.

Almost anything can bring on one of her 'episodes'... If I don't put the next spoonful of porridge in her mouth quick enough she will pound her fists on the highchair tray before punching me in the throat with a toast soldier.

Any attempt to put her down before she's ready will result in her creating a handle in each fist; one from your hair, the other from the skin on your neck. The more you struggle, the more permanent skin damage you suffer.

If my cats run away from her, all HELL will break loose. And if I do bring one of them over to her for a gentle stroke, she looks me straight in the eye and attempts to 'chinese-burn' the fur off of its tail, as I frantically attempt to break up the assault.

Both her aim and range are impressive; I've had three Nuby-no-spills to the face after failed attempts to provide her milk in a sippy-cup instead of her bottle... Looking back this was both brave and exceptionally foolish.

Incy-wincy spider will end when SHE decides. And you'd better make the actions bloody enthusiastic. She needs to BELIEVE that rain came down. Else you will be receiving a stinky little gift through a covert opening in her nappy... a move the WallyHusband and I now refer to as the 'Wally Side-winder'.

Thought she was looking tired, in need of a nap or an early night perhaps? Thought she might like to play with a maraca rather than £10 note she's removed from your wallet and half eaten? Well you were WRONG. In fact, any attempt to remove an item from her grip (of iron), or make her do something against her will (of iron) results in what we call the 'WallyBubba-Worm'. Body rigid, dramatic drop to the floor, arms and legs thrashing violently while screaming face down into carpet and occasionally glancing over to check everyone is watching... Makes me so happy I ruined my vagina for her.

And lastly, GOD FORBID you don't answer the green plastic phone from her walker quick enough... you better be answering that little bastard in three seconds flat else she will hunt you down in the night and f@*king cut you.

#WallyBubbaWorm
#PleaseleavetheT, onlytheGisneeded
#AndyouwonderwhyIdrink...



3ChildrenandIt

38 comments:

  1. Heee, I remember thos days very well. They stopped when I had my own (genuine) meltdown ;)
    ps. I found the moustache scary enough!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol ;) she's not so into her tash these days! I've heard the tantrums don't end until they're about... eighteen?? So that's something to look forward to then eh!

      Delete
  2. Ha ha, you need to read "We Need to Talk About Kevin", i so related to that book at times! Seriously though, it is likely a phase and hopefully a short one. I once locked myself in my bathroom to get away from my own child!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol ;) Fingers crossed indeed x I'd happily lock myself in another room with some cake, some gin and the baby-monitor and just stay there for a while... rocking...

      Delete
  3. Oh I laughed at this - spot on!! Great article we can all identify with I'm sure!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol x thanks...glad to hear I'm not alone... ;)

      Delete
  4. My daughter at 16, still impressive when in full flight. Those tantrums will continue (sorry to break it to you). Just don't fall prey to giving in.

    My best tantrum story going round the super market, daughter throws best full on, screaming, hand thumping tantrum and a woman walks past tutting! So I tell her she can take her if knows a better way of dealing with the tantrum, the woman's face! I took that as a NO. Lucky I wasn't reported I suppose.............

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ha! Yes I'd be inclined to do the fact same thing! lol x thanks for reading and commenting xxx

      Delete
  5. Oh yeah, well look out for her Tween years....you thought this was bad! My daughter had the same stubborn, aggressive, crazy mood swings and we're still paying for it at the age of 11! Don't let any person fool you into thinking a difficult baby/toddler = an easy teenager ha ha!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm expecting it for the next 17 years or so now... Thanks for the warning! Lol xx

      Delete
  6. This made me laugh, we've been experiencing the same kind of tantrums since my daughter was 9 months old (she's 3 now) and now my 19 month old son has decided to join in too! Somedays I just hide in the kitchen and eat biscuits...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh I like the sound of that! The secret kitchen biscuits, not the 2 and a half years of tantrums... lol x I'll see your b iscuits and raise you a bottle of red ;) xxx

      Delete
  7. Oh gosh I'd forgotten I had all this to look forward too! Mines 3 months at the mo.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just pretend you never read it... LMAO. And enjoy your immobile, unable-to-speak baby! lol xxx

      Delete
  8. Oh my, I remember when the tantrums started and I feared to the core of my bones what the terrible twos might be like. They were ok with Z1. Z2 is now "vibrant" in his 2yr3month old tantrums and disagreements. (I love your use of the word "vibrant", like when they talk about labour being "more intense" after your waters break!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ha! yes, I remember the 'more intense' please - or 'labour isn't so much painful, as powerful'. Yeah, and standing on lego 'tickles' a bit... #lyingbastards! lol x thanks for racing and commenting xxx

      Delete
  9. If you can, find the book, Autobiography of a One Year Old - It talks about moments like these very well. I had this too with my little boy, he has matured but the teenage moods and attitude remain, I am afraid! Great post x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol x i will check that out ;) x thanks! xxx

      Delete
  10. Ha, love this! I have a (once)delightful baby who' s just hit terrible twos and is an award winning screamer and a nearly four year old who's a champion tantrum thrower so I feel your pain ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We must unite together in alcohol... there's nothing else for it :) #gin xxx

      Delete
  11. You make me laugh so much, love it! It took me 2 hours to get my 2yr old dressed as every time i did she undressed herself. Then we started painting, but she wanted to be a cat so painted whiskers on her face and a tail on her trousers, children are fun! Leyla - thisdayilove

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad to make u giggle ;) I think 2 hrs of attempted clothing would be enough to drive me to drink! So I salute you lol xxx

      Delete
  12. I'm so glad I read this! My boy has turned from a fairly level headed 2 yr old into a screaming diva with intermittent Hulk like rages. He is a tad scary and we do tend to take it in turns to deal with him. I don't mind if it's a phase, just as long as it's not a bloody long one!! Good luck lovely xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I often hand her over to the husband when I feel the blood pressure rising a bit too much! I'm also hoping this is purely a phase... Although I've heard some last until they're adults... *pulls hair out and collapses* lol x thanks for commenting ;) xx

      Delete
  13. Mine has mastered the indignant shout, and the "fu*k off" wriggle. Its still hilarious, but not sure for how much longer...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha! Yes we have that too ;) makes me wonder why I shitting well bother lol

      Delete
  14. I hate to say, it just gets worse.

    I'm genuinely thinking of sending her back.

    And then they ask.. "are you having any more!?"

    I LAFF. Tantrums are the bane of my life

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ha! yes as soon as you're coping fine, people think that's your cue to have another don't they! I think it's my cue to enrol her in Uni and start finding her a flat of her own... ;) x

      Delete
  15. I can totally relate. We call my two year old tiny temper. It is not unusual to get hit, kicked and bit in one of his bouts. I have briefly shut him in another room before now for both of us to calm down. Only thing that really works is my completely withdrawing attention, sounds harsh but I explain that kind of behaviour doesn't get Mommys attention and mommy willl talk to him when he is calm. Then heavily praise positive behaviour Your daughters a bit young yet for this though. As their undertanding develops it is slightly easier to deal with. Thoughts and hugs with you x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sounds like good advice ;) Finger crossed it's all just a phase! xxx

      Delete
  16. Lol, welcome to my world! My little miss has just turned 2 and we are still going through the throws of toddler tantrums - little WallyBubba looks like butter wouldn't melt in her picture though!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's her cunning disguise! DO NOT be fooled lol x fingers crossed it all ends soon eh?! x

      Delete
  17. my two year old beats me, we could set up a support group?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes. We need to know there are others out there... lol

      Delete
  18. My daughter has been like this since about a year. She's now 2.5. I've resigned myself to putting up with her like this forever. Nice.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bugger... by the time mine is 2 and a half she'll be able to arm wrestle me and win! She is one seriously strong child lol. xxx thanks for commenting x sending you virtual gin and hugs xxx lol

      Delete
  19. This is just as funny second time round! Thanks for linking up with Oldies but Goodies this week :)

    ReplyDelete

Temper, temper...

Is it normal to be slightly scared of your own child?

I mean, is it 'ok' for me to admit that when she gets a certain look in her eye I begin to feel just a little bit terrified and mildly consumed with dread...?

Over the last few weeks, WallyBubba appears to have developed a temper which could rival even the moodiest, ASBO-baring teenager... She pulls diva fits the likes of Elton John would be proud of. She'd leave Mariah Carey shitting herself... I've ruled out puberty given shes still under 12 months old, but I can't quite understand why she feels the need to express herself so 'vibrantly'.

Almost anything can bring on one of her 'episodes'... If I don't put the next spoonful of porridge in her mouth quick enough she will pound her fists on the highchair tray before punching me in the throat with a toast soldier.

Any attempt to put her down before she's ready will result in her creating a handle in each fist; one from your hair, the other from the skin on your neck. The more you struggle, the more permanent skin damage you suffer.

If my cats run away from her, all HELL will break loose. And if I do bring one of them over to her for a gentle stroke, she looks me straight in the eye and attempts to 'chinese-burn' the fur off of its tail, as I frantically attempt to break up the assault.

Both her aim and range are impressive; I've had three Nuby-no-spills to the face after failed attempts to provide her milk in a sippy-cup instead of her bottle... Looking back this was both brave and exceptionally foolish.

Incy-wincy spider will end when SHE decides. And you'd better make the actions bloody enthusiastic. She needs to BELIEVE that rain came down. Else you will be receiving a stinky little gift through a covert opening in her nappy... a move the WallyHusband and I now refer to as the 'Wally Side-winder'.

Thought she was looking tired, in need of a nap or an early night perhaps? Thought she might like to play with a maraca rather than £10 note she's removed from your wallet and half eaten? Well you were WRONG. In fact, any attempt to remove an item from her grip (of iron), or make her do something against her will (of iron) results in what we call the 'WallyBubba-Worm'. Body rigid, dramatic drop to the floor, arms and legs thrashing violently while screaming face down into carpet and occasionally glancing over to check everyone is watching... Makes me so happy I ruined my vagina for her.

And lastly, GOD FORBID you don't answer the green plastic phone from her walker quick enough... you better be answering that little bastard in three seconds flat else she will hunt you down in the night and f@*king cut you.

#WallyBubbaWorm
#PleaseleavetheT, onlytheGisneeded
#AndyouwonderwhyIdrink...



3ChildrenandIt

38 comments:

  1. Heee, I remember thos days very well. They stopped when I had my own (genuine) meltdown ;)
    ps. I found the moustache scary enough!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol ;) she's not so into her tash these days! I've heard the tantrums don't end until they're about... eighteen?? So that's something to look forward to then eh!

      Delete
  2. Ha ha, you need to read "We Need to Talk About Kevin", i so related to that book at times! Seriously though, it is likely a phase and hopefully a short one. I once locked myself in my bathroom to get away from my own child!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol ;) Fingers crossed indeed x I'd happily lock myself in another room with some cake, some gin and the baby-monitor and just stay there for a while... rocking...

      Delete
  3. Oh I laughed at this - spot on!! Great article we can all identify with I'm sure!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol x thanks...glad to hear I'm not alone... ;)

      Delete
  4. My daughter at 16, still impressive when in full flight. Those tantrums will continue (sorry to break it to you). Just don't fall prey to giving in.

    My best tantrum story going round the super market, daughter throws best full on, screaming, hand thumping tantrum and a woman walks past tutting! So I tell her she can take her if knows a better way of dealing with the tantrum, the woman's face! I took that as a NO. Lucky I wasn't reported I suppose.............

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ha! Yes I'd be inclined to do the fact same thing! lol x thanks for reading and commenting xxx

      Delete
  5. Oh yeah, well look out for her Tween years....you thought this was bad! My daughter had the same stubborn, aggressive, crazy mood swings and we're still paying for it at the age of 11! Don't let any person fool you into thinking a difficult baby/toddler = an easy teenager ha ha!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm expecting it for the next 17 years or so now... Thanks for the warning! Lol xx

      Delete
  6. This made me laugh, we've been experiencing the same kind of tantrums since my daughter was 9 months old (she's 3 now) and now my 19 month old son has decided to join in too! Somedays I just hide in the kitchen and eat biscuits...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh I like the sound of that! The secret kitchen biscuits, not the 2 and a half years of tantrums... lol x I'll see your b iscuits and raise you a bottle of red ;) xxx

      Delete
  7. Oh gosh I'd forgotten I had all this to look forward too! Mines 3 months at the mo.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just pretend you never read it... LMAO. And enjoy your immobile, unable-to-speak baby! lol xxx

      Delete
  8. Oh my, I remember when the tantrums started and I feared to the core of my bones what the terrible twos might be like. They were ok with Z1. Z2 is now "vibrant" in his 2yr3month old tantrums and disagreements. (I love your use of the word "vibrant", like when they talk about labour being "more intense" after your waters break!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ha! yes, I remember the 'more intense' please - or 'labour isn't so much painful, as powerful'. Yeah, and standing on lego 'tickles' a bit... #lyingbastards! lol x thanks for racing and commenting xxx

      Delete
  9. If you can, find the book, Autobiography of a One Year Old - It talks about moments like these very well. I had this too with my little boy, he has matured but the teenage moods and attitude remain, I am afraid! Great post x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol x i will check that out ;) x thanks! xxx

      Delete
  10. Ha, love this! I have a (once)delightful baby who' s just hit terrible twos and is an award winning screamer and a nearly four year old who's a champion tantrum thrower so I feel your pain ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We must unite together in alcohol... there's nothing else for it :) #gin xxx

      Delete
  11. You make me laugh so much, love it! It took me 2 hours to get my 2yr old dressed as every time i did she undressed herself. Then we started painting, but she wanted to be a cat so painted whiskers on her face and a tail on her trousers, children are fun! Leyla - thisdayilove

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad to make u giggle ;) I think 2 hrs of attempted clothing would be enough to drive me to drink! So I salute you lol xxx

      Delete
  12. I'm so glad I read this! My boy has turned from a fairly level headed 2 yr old into a screaming diva with intermittent Hulk like rages. He is a tad scary and we do tend to take it in turns to deal with him. I don't mind if it's a phase, just as long as it's not a bloody long one!! Good luck lovely xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I often hand her over to the husband when I feel the blood pressure rising a bit too much! I'm also hoping this is purely a phase... Although I've heard some last until they're adults... *pulls hair out and collapses* lol x thanks for commenting ;) xx

      Delete
  13. Mine has mastered the indignant shout, and the "fu*k off" wriggle. Its still hilarious, but not sure for how much longer...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha! Yes we have that too ;) makes me wonder why I shitting well bother lol

      Delete
  14. I hate to say, it just gets worse.

    I'm genuinely thinking of sending her back.

    And then they ask.. "are you having any more!?"

    I LAFF. Tantrums are the bane of my life

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ha! yes as soon as you're coping fine, people think that's your cue to have another don't they! I think it's my cue to enrol her in Uni and start finding her a flat of her own... ;) x

      Delete
  15. I can totally relate. We call my two year old tiny temper. It is not unusual to get hit, kicked and bit in one of his bouts. I have briefly shut him in another room before now for both of us to calm down. Only thing that really works is my completely withdrawing attention, sounds harsh but I explain that kind of behaviour doesn't get Mommys attention and mommy willl talk to him when he is calm. Then heavily praise positive behaviour Your daughters a bit young yet for this though. As their undertanding develops it is slightly easier to deal with. Thoughts and hugs with you x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sounds like good advice ;) Finger crossed it's all just a phase! xxx

      Delete
  16. Lol, welcome to my world! My little miss has just turned 2 and we are still going through the throws of toddler tantrums - little WallyBubba looks like butter wouldn't melt in her picture though!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's her cunning disguise! DO NOT be fooled lol x fingers crossed it all ends soon eh?! x

      Delete
  17. my two year old beats me, we could set up a support group?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes. We need to know there are others out there... lol

      Delete
  18. My daughter has been like this since about a year. She's now 2.5. I've resigned myself to putting up with her like this forever. Nice.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bugger... by the time mine is 2 and a half she'll be able to arm wrestle me and win! She is one seriously strong child lol. xxx thanks for commenting x sending you virtual gin and hugs xxx lol

      Delete
  19. This is just as funny second time round! Thanks for linking up with Oldies but Goodies this week :)

    ReplyDelete