Driving with a Toddler (is shit)

My least favourite thing is driving with a toddler,
The whinging, the wailing, the whining.
As soon as we hit the first tiny traffic jam,
She turns into that kid from The Shining.

My least favourite thing is driving with a toddler,
We all know it's going to be shit.
As soon as starts throwing Iggle Piggle at the wind-screen.
I'm looking for someone to hit.

My least favourite thing is driving with a toddler,
The constant bribery with snacks.
The moment I realise I've gone overboard with rice cakes,
And she sprays baby-chunks all down our backs.

My least favourite thing is driving with a toddler,
Remembering when the the car just made her sleep...
Now it's the ultimate test of will-power and patience,
A private Hell with 'Old MacDonald' on repeat.

My least favourite thing is driving with a toddler,
The feeling of dread when you know you'll have to stop.
And somehow un-weld that nappy from her bum-cheeks,
Getting her back in that carseat will be a two-man job.

My least favourite thing is driving with a toddler,
Within an hour I'm using very naughty words.
And decide she can have whatever KEEPS HER F@*KING QUIET,
Last resort; the husband's iPhone with angry birds.

My least favourite thing is driving with a toddler,
Quite frankly no trip is worth the pain.
Never drive under the influence of a one-year-old,
Just stay at home, drinking gin, and remain sane.


#ginsanity
#oneyearoldsarebadforyourhealth
#gin