It's learnt how to escape from the reins.
It's worked out how use door handles,
And use lego to inflict immense pains.
Shit it can stand-up in its highchair,
And turn on the hot tap in the bath.
It can break into any cupboard,
And when told off it responds with a laugh.
Shit it can unlock an iPhone,
And send e-mails and delete all my apps.
It knows how to switch on the telly.
And give surprisingly painful slaps.
Shit it can break out of its sleeping bag,
And remove all its clothing in seconds.
It knows how to get through the stair-gate,
Where the cat bowl and knife drawer beckons.
Shit it knows where the snacks are kept,
And how to escape from its nappy.
It knows how to switch on ALL the musical toys,
Because that's what makes it happy.
Shit it knows how to break mummy's spirit,
With the running, and climbing, and screaming.
Remember when all they did with shit, smile and gurgle,
So do I, that's how I know I'm dreaming...
#gindreams
#lifeisover
#shit
Pahahaha there is definitely a lot of shit involved when you have kids!
ReplyDeleteYes there is! Lol ;) thanks for the comment xxx
Delete:D Hahaha....
ReplyDelete;) x glad it made u giggle xx
DeleteJust remember shit sticks!
ReplyDeletePahahaha ;) duly noted! Xx
DeleteLol! I remember those days of everything changing and the realisation that nothing would ever be the same again and nothing in our house would ever be untouched by little mitts, Gin WILL definitely help with this one!! X
ReplyDeleteOh good - thank god for gin then! Helping parents get through it for years... Lol #triedandrested ;) x
DeleteYou are my modern day Pam Ayres...(and, yes that IS a compliment) ;)
ReplyDeleteAnd a kindred spirit - a month or 2 difference between our daughters, but I read your blog posts and smile, laugh and occasionally wince and cry, but all done with my head nodding in agreement.
Been there, done that, got a 4 inch scar on me face from her infeasibly sharp talons, wearing porridge on my shoulder like a rank slide....
lol - well then I take it as one! Thank you :))))) x From one rank slide to another that is x thanks for reading xxx
DeleteYep and it just keeps on growing and getting better at it all!
ReplyDeleteha ;) never a dull moment eh *sobs into gin glass* lol x
DeleteLol this really made me giggle :)
ReplyDeleteNow following from http://emilymodernmummy.blogspot.co.uk/
Thanks ;) xx
DeleteAh yes!! I had to actually stop saying "shit" when z entered the age of the parrot. He now knows this word quite well ;)
ReplyDeleteha - I have a feeling mine will be learning words far worse than that... lol ;) x
DeleteShit... It's time to put the gin in a locked cupboard, up high. Better double bolt it - you don't want that going missing!!!
ReplyDeleteAwesome poem (as always), thanks for linking up to Wednesday Words. xx
You're welcome ;) lets drinky to your linky :))) lol x #gin
DeleteLove this LOL always helps to have a sense of humour because this shit is real! x
ReplyDeleteToo real... Lol x thanks for commenting xxx
Deletelol love it x
ReplyDelete:)))) thank you xxx
DeleteHaha! Brilliant. The poo has well and truly hit the fan x
ReplyDeletelol - oh yes. Why does no-one warn you about this stuff before you decide to have unprotected sex... #selfish
DeleteYep, now the real hard work begins - I didn't like to tell you back when you were grumbling about sleepless nights ;)
ReplyDeleteha... I am beginning to wonder what I winging about before... lol xx
DeleteShit it knows how to read now,
ReplyDeleteWants to know what a smear test is,
And why the cat poos in straight lines,
Life is an unending quiz.
Shit, it is finishing Juniors,
Asking more questions about hormones and 'bits'
Appalled by where he 'actually'came from,
Doesn't he know when to quit?
(Just thought I'd add you a couple of verses so you know that it gets so much better.......)
Haha ;) trying to remember why I thought it was a good idea to procreate right now... Lol x
Delete