Monday, 17 February 2014

Welcome Home. Mother.

Hope you had a nice time. Hussy.

This past week of ABANDONMENT has forced me to grow up pretty quick. I've had to. To adapt to you being gone. Don't feel guilty about that or anything will you...

I'm just saying. Things are changing around here.

I've made a list:


  • Firstly. The cats and I would now like to eat together on the sofa from a communal bowl.
  • Secondly. I'm changing my name by Depol to Kala-Utingo. It means 'cat rider' in Swahili.
  • I don't wash anymore. The cats groom me after meals. 
  • I'm growing my toe nails. As weapons. In case you try to wash me. 
  • I know where you keep the biros now... 
  • I no longer need assistance when climbing up or down stairs. If you touch me while I'm climbing or descending I will go BAT SHIT F@*KING CRAZY. 
  • I'll be wearing YOUR pants from now on. 
  • The Sky Box is tuned to Nickelodeon Junior and I've eaten the remote. F@*k you. 
  • I like sausages now, but have to whisper when saying the word sausages... in case the sausage goblins are listening...
  • I know you order pizza on a Sunday night after I've gone to bed... I found the boxes... I've made a house out of them. Using barbecue sauce to weld the pieces together. Along with tiny hats for both the cats out of empty garlic and herb dip pots. 
  • This week I've learnt the words chocolate, pirate and crack-whore. Yes. I listen to EVERY WORD PEOPLE SAY. And ignore them all until I hear something like crack-whore...
  • I will only be counting to ten in the correct order when no-one else is listening. In public, the number four will also be replaced by the phrase crack-whore.
  • I'm moving to IKEA. The food's better and they have tunnels. And that swively-orange-pod-chair thing. You really should have bought one of those when you had the chance you know... 
  • I agree that I do have my own shoes, but I just prefer yours. So roomy.
  • You can have your iPhone back now. Totally over it. That was so 6 months ago. I have my own tablet now. *rolls eyes*
  • I don't use a highchair anymore... What do you think I am, like, 23 months old or something? God, you're so embarrassing. 
  • I sleep naked. And dream shout. 
  • Naked hour begins at 4pm every day. I don't care where we are. 
  • Screw with me and I'll put the un-instagrammed versions of your photos on Facebook. And yes, you do look fat and blotchy. 
  • Watch out for the smaller of the two cats. She's shady as f@*k.
  • And finally. I shall be wearing my face like this from now on. (See below) Just so you know. 



#ginrequired Wot So Funee?

46 comments:

  1. That's a seriously threatening cat face! Good luck with life under the new regime.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's not that dissimilar to the old one TBF.... lol ;) *cries a bit* xx

      Delete
  2. Oh no she's gone ferral ;-) love the photo :-)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I hope all that wine, pasta and romantic time were worth it. Cause now, it's payback time. :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha! I think they were... although I've no doubt she can make things far worse than this if she really tries... lol x

      Delete
  4. Yeah, you're screwed.
    But remember, there's ALWAYS gin. ;) x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah yes... gin.... *warm fuzzy feeing* :))) lol x

      Delete
  5. Back to earth with a bump - can you run away again and claim asylum ha. Kala-Utingo might hunt you down with her shady pack of cats though lol xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pahahaha ;) it's true... I'm sleeping with one eye open and a knife under my pillow... lol x

      Delete
  6. Ha! Oh dear, sounds scary...and not too different to my life. Although my boys don't pinch my pants and shoes (yet) and washing is courtesy of the dog ;) x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. good dog wash can't be rivalled really... :)) lol xx thanks for the comment! xx

      Delete
  7. Hilarious as ever. My little boo is only 1 but already I see the batshit craziness if her stair climbing is in any way disturbed. Hope you had a fab hol!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We did thank you! lol x Always the stairs... haha x

      Delete
  8. hahaha!! Brilliant!! Good luck! Sounds like you need it....

    ReplyDelete
  9. hahahaha another genius post. bloody love ur rants wally bubba ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She is quite articulate for a pre-schooler... lol x thank you for reading xxx

      Delete
  10. That'll teach you to go on holiday!! ;) Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hahah! Love it! I think I need a fierce cat face myself!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh we all need one of those right ;) lol xxx

      Delete
  12. Ha! Feral toddler alert. Mieow! Hilarious as always. Have shared far and wide.

    ReplyDelete
  13. LOL who has been saying crack whore then?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol! Oh u know... When you're chatting... About nappies, nursery, and crack-whores... Hehehe! Xxx

      Delete
  14. Haha you tell it WallyBubba! Great face too :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is a fairly awesome cat face! Lol xx

      Delete
  15. ha ha brilliant - i particularly love that she has learnt the word 'crack whore' pretty impressive vocab for a 2 year old :) x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What can I say... #likemotherlikedaughter :) lol xx

      Delete
  16. What a regime! Totally want to live in Ikea too!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha ;) it would make life easier! xx

      Delete
  17. Know the feeling of being copied like a parrot does, really have to watch what I say!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes... it's language watch from now on me thinks! :)) x

      Delete
  18. Ha ha ha, good luck with THAT regime, it doesn't sound very mum friendly to me. Hilarious

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think I will need it... lol x Thanks for the comment :))) xxx

      Delete
  19. I have GOT to read your blog more often - reading that post was like therapy - where do I pay?
    She MUST really MUST be related to Aaron.
    Liska x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They're probably in it together.... lol :))) x

      Delete
  20. :0) Hope you had a good enough time to make up for it! :0) x

    ReplyDelete
  21. You have to learn to change the Sky Box without the remote, you can get really good and quick at it. I'm the only one in our house who can do it, well, me and my 3 year old....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You mean your 3-yr old taught you this don't you... pahahaha x

      Delete
  22. I guess I should have learnt from previous posts not to be drinking (tea on this occasion!) when I'm reading your posts. Laptops and tea are not the best combination. So funny. #funee

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *sniggering* well thanks lady x #nohotdrinkstobeconsumedwhilereading :))) x

      Delete
  23. I know exactly what you mean about that chair pod at Ikea. Filthy thing but they will never get out of it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They probably lace it with Daim bars... Lol xx

      Delete

Welcome Home. Mother.

Hope you had a nice time. Hussy.

This past week of ABANDONMENT has forced me to grow up pretty quick. I've had to. To adapt to you being gone. Don't feel guilty about that or anything will you...

I'm just saying. Things are changing around here.

I've made a list:


  • Firstly. The cats and I would now like to eat together on the sofa from a communal bowl.
  • Secondly. I'm changing my name by Depol to Kala-Utingo. It means 'cat rider' in Swahili.
  • I don't wash anymore. The cats groom me after meals. 
  • I'm growing my toe nails. As weapons. In case you try to wash me. 
  • I know where you keep the biros now... 
  • I no longer need assistance when climbing up or down stairs. If you touch me while I'm climbing or descending I will go BAT SHIT F@*KING CRAZY. 
  • I'll be wearing YOUR pants from now on. 
  • The Sky Box is tuned to Nickelodeon Junior and I've eaten the remote. F@*k you. 
  • I like sausages now, but have to whisper when saying the word sausages... in case the sausage goblins are listening...
  • I know you order pizza on a Sunday night after I've gone to bed... I found the boxes... I've made a house out of them. Using barbecue sauce to weld the pieces together. Along with tiny hats for both the cats out of empty garlic and herb dip pots. 
  • This week I've learnt the words chocolate, pirate and crack-whore. Yes. I listen to EVERY WORD PEOPLE SAY. And ignore them all until I hear something like crack-whore...
  • I will only be counting to ten in the correct order when no-one else is listening. In public, the number four will also be replaced by the phrase crack-whore.
  • I'm moving to IKEA. The food's better and they have tunnels. And that swively-orange-pod-chair thing. You really should have bought one of those when you had the chance you know... 
  • I agree that I do have my own shoes, but I just prefer yours. So roomy.
  • You can have your iPhone back now. Totally over it. That was so 6 months ago. I have my own tablet now. *rolls eyes*
  • I don't use a highchair anymore... What do you think I am, like, 23 months old or something? God, you're so embarrassing. 
  • I sleep naked. And dream shout. 
  • Naked hour begins at 4pm every day. I don't care where we are. 
  • Screw with me and I'll put the un-instagrammed versions of your photos on Facebook. And yes, you do look fat and blotchy. 
  • Watch out for the smaller of the two cats. She's shady as f@*k.
  • And finally. I shall be wearing my face like this from now on. (See below) Just so you know. 



#ginrequired Wot So Funee?

46 comments:

  1. That's a seriously threatening cat face! Good luck with life under the new regime.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's not that dissimilar to the old one TBF.... lol ;) *cries a bit* xx

      Delete
  2. Oh no she's gone ferral ;-) love the photo :-)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I hope all that wine, pasta and romantic time were worth it. Cause now, it's payback time. :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha! I think they were... although I've no doubt she can make things far worse than this if she really tries... lol x

      Delete
  4. Yeah, you're screwed.
    But remember, there's ALWAYS gin. ;) x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah yes... gin.... *warm fuzzy feeing* :))) lol x

      Delete
  5. Back to earth with a bump - can you run away again and claim asylum ha. Kala-Utingo might hunt you down with her shady pack of cats though lol xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pahahaha ;) it's true... I'm sleeping with one eye open and a knife under my pillow... lol x

      Delete
  6. Ha! Oh dear, sounds scary...and not too different to my life. Although my boys don't pinch my pants and shoes (yet) and washing is courtesy of the dog ;) x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. good dog wash can't be rivalled really... :)) lol xx thanks for the comment! xx

      Delete
  7. Hilarious as ever. My little boo is only 1 but already I see the batshit craziness if her stair climbing is in any way disturbed. Hope you had a fab hol!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We did thank you! lol x Always the stairs... haha x

      Delete
  8. hahaha!! Brilliant!! Good luck! Sounds like you need it....

    ReplyDelete
  9. hahahaha another genius post. bloody love ur rants wally bubba ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She is quite articulate for a pre-schooler... lol x thank you for reading xxx

      Delete
  10. That'll teach you to go on holiday!! ;) Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hahah! Love it! I think I need a fierce cat face myself!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh we all need one of those right ;) lol xxx

      Delete
  12. Ha! Feral toddler alert. Mieow! Hilarious as always. Have shared far and wide.

    ReplyDelete
  13. LOL who has been saying crack whore then?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol! Oh u know... When you're chatting... About nappies, nursery, and crack-whores... Hehehe! Xxx

      Delete
  14. Haha you tell it WallyBubba! Great face too :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is a fairly awesome cat face! Lol xx

      Delete
  15. ha ha brilliant - i particularly love that she has learnt the word 'crack whore' pretty impressive vocab for a 2 year old :) x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What can I say... #likemotherlikedaughter :) lol xx

      Delete
  16. What a regime! Totally want to live in Ikea too!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha ;) it would make life easier! xx

      Delete
  17. Know the feeling of being copied like a parrot does, really have to watch what I say!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes... it's language watch from now on me thinks! :)) x

      Delete
  18. Ha ha ha, good luck with THAT regime, it doesn't sound very mum friendly to me. Hilarious

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think I will need it... lol x Thanks for the comment :))) xxx

      Delete
  19. I have GOT to read your blog more often - reading that post was like therapy - where do I pay?
    She MUST really MUST be related to Aaron.
    Liska x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They're probably in it together.... lol :))) x

      Delete
  20. :0) Hope you had a good enough time to make up for it! :0) x

    ReplyDelete
  21. You have to learn to change the Sky Box without the remote, you can get really good and quick at it. I'm the only one in our house who can do it, well, me and my 3 year old....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You mean your 3-yr old taught you this don't you... pahahaha x

      Delete
  22. I guess I should have learnt from previous posts not to be drinking (tea on this occasion!) when I'm reading your posts. Laptops and tea are not the best combination. So funny. #funee

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *sniggering* well thanks lady x #nohotdrinkstobeconsumedwhilereading :))) x

      Delete
  23. I know exactly what you mean about that chair pod at Ikea. Filthy thing but they will never get out of it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They probably lace it with Daim bars... Lol xx

      Delete